Mommy Meltdowns

I had always heard everyone talk about being a mom and how it was such a hard job.  Never did I imagine just how hard it would be.  Very hard.  But very rewarding.

Since day one Chloe has struggled with her weight.  After 2 weeks of being born she was down more than 10% of her birth weight.  From there we have gone to the hospital and back twice, switched from breastfeeding to formula, to a higher calorie formula, to medication for reflux, to a hypoallergenic formula, to weekly weight checks.  Back and forth we go to the doctors office and every time I hope and pray that maybe this time things will be different.  Maybe this time the scale will read something that will give me a reassurance that Chloe will get big and strong, that I am doing the right things for her at home, and that the doctor will be pleased with the weight she has put on.

Appointment after appointment was nothing but disappointment from her pediatrician that she wasn't big enough.  After lots of thought and tears I decided to look into finding Chloe a new pediatrician.  I was tired of feeling like because of me Chloe wasn't growing, because of me she's behind.  Being a mom is hard enough by itself but to feel like you're not doing a good enough job makes it practically impossible.  Thankfully I have the most amazing ward and one of my friends referred me to her pediatrician that she takes her kids to.  I read up on the doctors bio and felt really good about her so I made an appt.

Feeling full of a new hope and knowing that this time it would be better I was actually excited to take Chloe in.  Chloe had been eating TONS better, there was NO way she couldn't have gained weight! I sat in the waiting room, nervous and sweaty and finally we got called back.  The nurse had us first check her weight, height and head circumference.

Height: 23.5 in
Head Circumference: 15.98 cm
Weight: 8.4 lbs

WHAT? Only 8.4 pounds? You have to be kidding me.  I was devastated.  What was I doing wrong? What was the doctor going to say? Why am I such a bad mother?

Well the doctor came in and took Chloe and showered her with kisses.  She checked all her vitals and even fed her there to see how she took the bottle.  She was very patient with us and listened to everything I had to say.  After looking through all Chloe's past history the doctor looked up and told me not to worry.  That some babies are just lean and tall, and no one knows quite why but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her.  I let out a sigh of relief.  FINALLY someone who listened to me. Finally someone who could see how much I was struggling.  Finally someone who believed in Chloe.  We worked out a game plan to try and help Chloe put on some weight by increasing her formula intake from 3 oz a feeding to 3.5 or 4 every feeding.

I left the office feeling much more confident.  I know we still have a while to go until Chloe is in the clear but I know that eventually we will get there.  I just have to take things one day at a time and realize that I am doing the best I can.  One of my biggest weaknesses is comparing myself and Chloe to other moms and babies.  I see some other moms all around me posting pictures of their cute chunky, adorable babies and it's so hard for me to not get down on myself.  I wish more than anything Chloe was chunky and had roles and roles on her arms and legs.  I wish she was doing some of the things other kiddos her age are doing.  But I can't sit here and wish and hope she's someone else.  I need to be happy with where she is at and look forward.  I have to learn to not compare her to other babies because every baby is different.  I am working to be better at this every day.


Chloe is going to be 3 months next Wednesday.  3 Months! She has been such a blessing in mine and Scott's lives already.  She brings so much joy into our home.  We love her to bits and are so lucky to call her our daughter.  Yes, she may be difficult but that's what makes her special.  That is what makes her ours.

And yes as you can tell from these pictures she LOVES her bouncer! =) Thank you Debbie & Geoff Crisp for lending that to us, it is a lifesaver.

Blessing Day

I cannot believe that Chloe is already 2 months old! Where has the time gone?  I took her to her doctor appointment this morning to get her 2 month shots and check up. She weighed 7.14, slowly but surely she is putting some weight on.  Sadly, not as fast as any of us would like.  We are going to try and feed her more often and we also increased her calorie intake on the formula.  I'm crossing my fingers this works because I have a anxiety attack every time they weigh her!  They also measured her head and height.  She is now 22 1/2 inches long and in the 50th percentile which is up 2.5 inches since she was born. Her head is 15.68 cm around and in the 90th percentile, she is going to be so smart ;)

After they weighed and measured her it was time to give her the shots... I think I was more nervous than her.  She turned super red and cried really hard for about 5 seconds but then was fine.  She is such a champ!




This week she:
started to smile a little.  It melts my heart every time she does.  I cannot wait until she smiles more and starts to giggle!

started to jabber a lot more and will imitate back and forth to me and Scott.

LOVES to play on her play mat and kick the toys above her.  She has the STRONGEST legs!
Maybe she will be a soccer player like her mommy.

snores all the time while she's sleeping, its adorable

still gets the hiccups 1-3 times a day

has the NASTIEST poops

LOVES to cuddle

lifts up her head a little, that big head of hers is HEAVY!

It amazes me everyday how much she learns and grows.  She is the cutest little ball of joy and you can't help but smile when you look at her.

This past weekend was so special.  On Saturday both of our parents my sister and Scott's sister came into town for the blessing.  Scott's parents took us out to breakfast to the Original Pancake House. Oh my gosh it was soo good! I got the banana and strawberry chocolate crepes.  Chloe was a champ, she slept the whole time! Sadly, Scott had to go to work but I'm so glad he was able to spend the morning with family.  After breakfast my parents and sister Annette arrived! We went to Costco and got the food we needed for the luncheon on Sunday then came home and met up with everyone at Olive Garden.  It was so fun to all spend time together! Chloe loved being with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousin! And once again she slept during the whole meal.  Gosh she is such a good baby.


















Sunday morning was Chloe's special day, her blessing day.  We bathed her the night before and got her all dressed in her little white dress.  It was so cool putting her in the dress that I was blessed in.  She looked so adorable.  Scott gave the most beautiful blessing.

Father in Heaven, by the power and authority of the holy Melchizedek Priesthood and in the name of Jesus Christ we lay this infant in our arms to give her a name and a blessing. Her name is Chloe Lillian Crisp. Chloe at this time we bless you with the knowledge of the love that your Father in Heaven has for you. We bless you with the ability to strengthen with all your heart might mind and strength throughout your life.  That you may serve Him in whatever capacity you desire.  We bless you with the knowledge of the love your family has for you. We bless you with the desire to go to the temple to be sealed to your family and to keep those covenants you made with them forever.  We bless you also that you may go to the temple with a worthy companion that you may find joy in this.  We bless you with a desire to gain an education and knowledge that you may study diligently throughout your life in your interests and your academics that you may find pleasure in learning the things of this world and of the things around you. We give you a special blessing to bring joy to those who surround you that you might surround yourself with that joy that you may bring a special friendship to those that are in need. We bless you that your personality that it may come forth, if needed, to help others at times where others need to be uplifted.  You will be of great influence to those around you.  We bless you to use that for their benefit. We bless you with the knowledge of the atonement that when the time comes you may learn those things for yourself that you, through your own experience, may understand your Saviors’ sacrifice on your behalf.  We leave you with these blessings and all other things that Heavenly Father may see fit at this time. In the holy name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
 
We felt so blessed to have so many friends and family come and support our little girl.





















After church we all headed up to Grandma Bradshaw's house for a luncheon.  It was so nice to catch up with everyone! It was sad to see everyone leave. Thanks to everyone who came and traveled to be there! We appreciated it so much!